April - A Month of Mindfulness and Resilience
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This month This month of April, the BGF will be focused on mindfulness and resilience. The 2020-2021 academic year has been rough, to say the least. We have been in back-to-back zoom conferences and classes. Having to find a balance in a multi-functioning space. Sometimes it’s a dining table, sometimes your office. Sometimes it’s your bedroom, sometimes it's your classroom. While the business portion of universities claims we have been super productive, the socio-psychological portion has been flashing warning signals and shooting off flares guns that the mental state is in danger. Now finals are around the corner and under the stress of uncertainty are starting the feel the suffocation of pressure and those that have been living in this state – can’t provide information on how to avoid or get out from underneath this pressure.
That’s ok – your Bad Good Friends are here for you. We will give you some resources and advice on how to navigate, refresh, replenish, and be resilient through all of this.
The first step in this process is to reach out and connect with your friends. Like we said in the University of Louisville – take a moment and text them right now. “Hey. I’ve been thinking about you lately. How are you doing?” You want to ask them how they are going instead of “what’s up?” or any other question that would elicit a response that is “fine” or “good”. While you might not want to deal with the emotional labor of others (and we get it – most of us do not want to be a therapist), you want to reach out in a manner that 1) shows you are considering the other person and 2) keeping it simple, not so simple that you are practically saying “hello”. By asking how your friend is doing, you are essentially opening the door of communication not just for them but opening a support system for yourself.
So you sent the text – what now?
If it is super awkward – Own it. You can ask if they’re interested in getting together. You might not know how to converse on a device, but maybe sitting in supportive silence or doing a shared activity is enough for both of you. If you are hanging out and it stills feel awkward, avoid the yes or no questions. People are natural storytellers – even if we are horrible at it – we like to share what we are doing. If it's awkward because you all had spent a lot of time apart, then just be upfront in letting the other person know that life got in the way. No need to explain further or blame others. We have all lived through 2020.
Set Plans – Don’t let yourself (or the other person) stop the conversation of “let's get together.” Yes I am connecting with you because I want to grab a coffee, so don’t just say “let's get coffee” but add to that “How’s Friday at 3 pm at the Java Spot?” If they are still uncomfortable, offer to get the coffee to go and suggest a place you can sip it socially distantly and chat. Having to-go cups allows you so much more flexibility, and unless that flexibility means one of you bails…you should leave with plans for your next get-together.
Share a thought – Between the first get-together and the next, follow up with your friend with a shareable. This could be a funny meme that reminds you of the friendship to a formal note of appreciation. You know your friend and the dynamics. Krista and Ayrielle will often send pictures to each other that are an art piece and ask “but is there a cat?”. It’s a little random act of kindness and we all need more of that in our lives.
These four steps should help you become a bad friend to a good friend that is sometimes bad due to the struggles aforementioned. It's also totally ok if you have lost a friendship. During this time you might have grown apart. Ebbs and flows of friend relationships are normal. Mourn that loss but know that there will be someone new that can come into your life later that will like the you that you have become and will want to grow with you.
Next Friday we will talk about how to gather (safely) in a restorative way. We will see you then,
Your Bad Good Friends.
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